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For those of us who only think of “The Real World” as an MTV reality show…

March 14, 2011

The time has come to face the facts: my MTV reality aspirations are over. There must be more to life.

On Saturday, my faithful companion Augustine and I went to Hooters at Fisherman’s Wharf to audition for The Real World: San Francisco. A usually charming duo with quirks and oddities previously unrecorded on film, we went into the casting call confident and giddy for our future of fame and college speaking tours and left feeling… too mature.

Amidst the sea of attractive 18 year olds, Augustine and I clued into the fact that we might be too old when the crowd started comparing their fake IDs. The experience quickly moved downhill when we were identified as the only duo to have graduated from college and then amplified when we realized we didn’t know the full choreography to Justin Bieber’s “Somebody to Love” (if only they would have asked to see “Baby!”). Problems were exacerbated when asked about our sexual history. Apparently “a lady never tells” is not the response they were looking for, so we were promptly eliminated and then drowned our now uncertain futures in a bundle of $2.50 Happy Hour pints.

On the bright side, we met some nice folks including two lovely Hooters waitresses, a finalist from Latin-American idol (note to this man’s girlfriend: he slept with your mother and shared the details with several strangers! Abort your mission and break up with him ASAP!), and  a nice straight man who does gay pornography. We can’t wait to see who makes the cast!

In the meantime, we’ll set our sights on conquering the Real Real World. Stay tuned for future world domination schemes.


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